Illusions
by Crittab
Summary: New Moon AU. Bella finds something much more dangerous than a motorcycle in efforts to hear Edward's voice. Rated M. Warnings for very dark themes and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and New Moon are the courtesey of Stephanie Meyer- I just steal her stuff and use it for my own twisted enjoyment.

**Illusions**

**Chapter 1**

Suddenly it all became clear in that one moment. I knew that what I was doing was dangerous, impulsive—to use his words, stupid and reckless. But I felt sucked in by those men, as though there was some force outside of myself that was drawing me closer. I couldn't explain it.

But then, in that split second in which I heard his incredible belltone voice chastising me, I knew exactly why I was doing what I was doing. The voice made me hungry for more, and I surged forward, to find it accosting my senses with a renewed vigor.

So even though I was able to walk away, to safely shelve the voice and continue with my night, I certainely hadn't forgotten how incredible it felt to hear it, and just what the circumstances were that led to hearing it.

I had discovered a new drug—one that I could have whenever I wanted, even if getting it was to put myself in harms way. As far as I was concerned, the ends were worth the means.

So in the weeks that passed after that night, I began to search for new ways to hear his voice. I knew it was stupid, and a small part of me wanted to stop, run home to my father, and beg him to forgive me for being so careless.

The larger part of me wanted to spur on the voice- the illusion, or delusion. The larger part of me wondered how far I could push the voice, and if it would ever become more than just a tone in my ears.

So that's what brought me here tonight. Under the ruse of being out with Angela, I drove miles away from home to this darker portion of Port Angeles, in the hopes of encountering not just my 'real' attackers, but also that velvet noise that somehow made me not care about whatever harm may come to me.

I pulled up to the side of the road and climbed out of the cab of my oversized truck. Errantly, I wondered why I never heard his voice when I was driving it, since he always seemed to think it was a death trap. The thought made me grin, meekly, and with chagrin. I tapped the hood of my truck as a sign of solidarity, it may be an inanimate object, but I swear, it has feelings.

I steeled myself with a deep breath and began to tredge forward toward the darkest of the alleyways. I didn't know exactly what I would find, or if I would find anything. But for some reason, tonight I was confident. I just knew that the danger, and my fix, would be coming my way. I hoped for it.

As I rounded a dark corner into an unlit street, I felt a little wary. It was the first time I considered that maybe this was just a little bit too extreme.

But I had come too far. I was too close, I could feel it. I needed to hear him.

So I continued on into the darkness, and it wasn't long before I saw someone pass in the distance, followed by several others. Taking a deep breath, I marched in their direction. The sounds of their roars of laughter became louder and clearer, and I knew instantly that this is what I had come for. I couldn't tear those voices from my mind if I tried.

"_Bella, stop this, now."_ I felt a thrill run up my spine as the voice echoed clearly in my ears. My hands began to shake, as though the rush had awakened my deadened nerves. With a small smile, I continued to walk forward to where the group of men had congregated. They had yet to notice me.

"_You promised, nothing stupid. Bella, stop."_ For an instant I felt bad for my betrayal of the promise, but that instant was brief. I knew that he had broken his promise first. It was only fair.

"_Please Bella, turn around. Run." _The voice momentarily turned from the angry tone I was used to, to a pleading one. It caught me briefly offguard, and I missed a step, fumbling loudly for my footing. As I righted myself, I realized that the men just a few yards away were now aware of me. I was struck with the overwhelming desire to leave. I'd received what I came here for; there was no reason to stay.

I began to backtrack.

"_Run, Bella!"_ the voice cried loudly in my ears, and I heeded the warning.

But it was too late.

I felt hands come around my arms and yank me backwards, while another hand cupped my mouth. I could smell the strong scent of alcohol on the fingers, and resisted the urge to gag. My body was flung backward until I made contact with a hard body. I fought uselessly. My assailant was massive.

The man who held my mouth rounded us, stepping in place directly in front of me, while the man behind me held tightly to my arms, digging his fingers into me in a way that was sure to leave bruises.

"Well, what to we have here?" questioned the man in front of me. He leaned down closely to my face, intimidating at best, terrifying and preditorial at worst. The scent of alcohol on his hands was nothing compared to his breath, it reeked with beer and host of other liquors. He slurred his words, but this loss of mental capacity hadn't impacted his strength in the least. He pushed against me, pushing me harder against the man behind, effectively trapping me in a vice created by their bodies.

"What're you doing, man? I know you recognize her, we should leave her alone," came a voice from beside us. I wanted to look and see who it was, but my face was held in place by the man who still had me muzzled.

"Look around, dude, there's no one else here," he sneered at the other man. He turned his head slowly back to me, bearing his teeth as though he were an animal. "No one will ever know."

His threat sent a twinge of unadulterated fear through me. I could no longer hear Edward's voice. There was nothing that I could gain by being here with these men. This was a mistake.

"He could be coming. I don't trust her," came the voice from beside us. I silently thanked him for voicing that fear, though I knew perfectly well that I would have no protector tonight. I was alone.

The man in front of me jerked his head angrily to the side and yelled, "Shut the _fuck_ up, Gates!" In his anger, he let go of my face. I screamed, loud and hard as I could before being rapidly turned and crushed into a brick wall, the man behind me holding me against it with much of his bodyweight. My head had made contact with it. I instantly regretted my decision to scream.

"Let's go guys, now!" came a voice that I hadn't heard yet. I was eased in that moment, assuming that my scream had alerted some passers-by, and the men would leave me alone.

I was wrong.

The man behind me yanked me back from the wall and held me tight to himself, nearly lifting me off my feet as the group of men swiftly raced from the street, dragging me along with them. I barely had time consider my escape before hearing a loud creaking, followed by a light being flicked on.

In that instant, I was thrown to the ground, but rather than the cold pavement I had expected, I was met with an even colder concrete floor. My wrist throbbed from the way I landed on it, and I briefly inspected the wound. It wasn't broken, though I was sure, as I tried to move it, that I had acquired a nasty sprain. I looked up as I heard the same creak from before, and saw a large, rusted metal door closing us off to the outdoors. I looked around at the warehouse we had entered. There were a few boxes around, nothing of any consequence.

The most notable thing was the lack of windows to the outdoors. No one would see what happened in here.

"_Beg."_ The voice hit me like a ton of bricks, and I silently, selfishly cursed it for drawing me to this situation. I looked around maniacally for an escape, and found none, just the four men leering at me.

"Please let me go," I begged, obediantly. My voice was a stranger to me. I had sounded dead, cold for the past many months. Suddenly the tone was laced with obvious fear. I wished I could have that other non-emotive sound back.

My request was followed by jeers and cackles from the four men looking down at where I sat in a heap on the floor. I considered another option.

"He's coming, you know. I told him I'd be here, he'll come looking for me." This caught their attention. I hoped it would be enough. The man who had held my mouth moved forward a little, I took him to be their leader. While the other men seemed tense in light of my lie, he was cocky and reassured as ever.

"He'll never find you, little girl." His voice was as cold as I'd ever heard it. In that moment, I considered that I would have even preferred James to this man. James had at least concocted the persona of a decent person. This man reeked of evil. He jerked forward and I fell back, trying to scramble further from him, but was met with a sharp pain in my wrist. I wound up on my back.

"Look, she's practically begging for us," came the man's voice again. The rest of his crew chuckled in the background, but their voices were less assured, as though they were nervous that my threat was reality. I fought to sit up, but it wasn't another moment before I was pushed backward again, and held down by the leader. He straddled my waist and held my wrists over my head, digging my sprained wrist painfully into the concrete floor.

He leaned close to my face and tried to kiss my mouth. I whipped my head to the left. They wouldn't have that strand of my dignity. I would do whatever necessary to keep it from them.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I attempted, struggling beneath his weight. My attempts were fruitless, and I flushed when I heard him chuckle above me.

"That's precious," he said. He shifted so that both of my hands were encased in one of his large ones, and with his free right hand, he stroked my face. I jerked away from it, causing my whole body to shift. I was disgusted as he ground his hardened member into me, taking advantage of the movement. He moaned loudly.

"Oh fuck," he moaned, "she wants it bad."

I felt bile rise in my throat. I felt totally helpless. The voice hadn't returned. There was nothing here for me to gain.

Instead, I focused on being perfectly still. I would not allow him to make those remarks at my expense again. If they were going to take it, they could have it, but I would _not_ participate, even if only imagined.

I shut my eyes tightly, and felt several more hands make their way onto my body. I tried to shut it all out, to focus on Edward, and Edward alone. Perhaps I could delude myself into thinking the hands that were currently grinding painfully into my breasts belonged to him. Perhaps I could convince myself that the hardness against my pants-covered core, and the hands prying my legs apart belonged to Edward.

I heard another moan. This definitely wasn't Edward.

I smelled the alcohol as he breathed over my face, placing harsh and sloppy kisses over me, coving me in his rancid saliva. This definitely wasn't Edward.

I felt rough, calloused hands pushing my shirt upward and pulling my bra down. These hands did not belong to Edward.

Finally, I felt my pants and underwear being pulled off. Edward would never do that.

As two hands firmly pulled my legs apart, I found it within myself to struggle once more. Not because I felt I could escape the four men, but because I realized in that instant that becoming docile would only give them the illusion that I had submitted to them. I would never submit to them. They could take me, but they would have to fight me for my body.

So I opened my eyes wide and began kicking mecilessly at the man who had placed himself between my legs. I noticed that he, too, was nude from the waist down, and I was determined to make sure that his hardness never made it to me. I kicked harder, harder, flailing against the hands that held my legs apart. I heard all of the men laugh at my display.

"Look at her," said the man holding my left leg. "She wants it rough." I attempted to ignore his jeer and bucked and shifted and kicked and rolled as much as I could while being restrained by four giant men. Suddenly the arms around my legs locked tighter, and I couldn't kick anymore. A strong pair of hands came down on my hips, holding them in place, while a knee found my chest, forcing me onto my back. I realized that one of the men was over me, pantless, with his hardness much too close to my face. I whipped my head to the side, desperate to have it out of my view.

"Go for it, Jack," said one of the men. "Give it to her." I bit my lip and shut my eyes tightly, awaiting the ultimate violation.

**A/N**: Kind of ultra-dark. Hopefully it's not too intense with the Port Angeles guys. I'm nervous about this one; let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and New Moon are the courtesey of Stephanie Meyer- I just steal her stuff and use it for my own twisted enjoyment.

**Illusions**

_

* * *

_

**From Chapter 1**

_"Look at her," said the man holding my left leg. "She wants it rough." I attempted to ignore his jeer and bucked and shifted and kicked and rolled as much as I could while being restrained by four giant men. Suddenly the arms around my legs locked tighter, and I couldn't kick anymore. A strong pair of hands came down on my hips, holding them in place, while a knee found my chest, forcing me onto my back. I realized that one of the men was over me, pantless, with his hardness much too close to my face. I whipped my head to the side, desperate to have it out of my view._

_"Go for it, Jack," said one of the men. "Give it to her." I bit my lip and shut my eyes tightly, awaiting the ultimate violation._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It never came.

Rather I felt the massive weight of the man of my chest immediately removed, and heard screams and cries of grown men all around me. I heard a struggle, but I kept my eyes closed. I turned onto my side and pulled my legs up to my chest, covering my face with my hands, and clenching my teeth, awaiting whatever new torture the men were planning for me.

Suddenly the room became eerily quiet. I didn't take my head out of my hands. I didn't dare look at what was coming my way.

"Bella." I heard. I scoffed. Why would the voice choose now to make another appearance? Hadn't it already chosen to abandon me? I felt a set of hands on me, softer than before, I tensed beneath them. They were much colder, I wondered if one of the men had been handling ice.

"Bella, please look at me," the voice pleaded. I shook my head. He was just a voice. If I opened my eyes, all I would see would be those four men preparing to violate me.

I felt my body being easily manipulated out of the fetal position I had curled myself into. I let it happened, but never uncovered my face or opened my eyes. I felt my pants being slipped on and pulled up, fastened at the waist. I felt my bra being pulled up, and my shirt pulled down. I felt myself being hoisted into rock-hard arms, against a rock-hard chest. I never uncovered my face.

After hearing that deafening creaking of the rusted door, I felt wind hit my face, hard and fast, as though I was sticking my head out the window of a moving car. I kept my hands on my face.

This couldn't be happening. Whatever my delusions were becoming, I could not allow them to take over my body as they had my mind.

After several moments the wind stopped. I felt myself being laid down. I expected that cold concrete once again, but was met with the soft cushions of a couch.

Illusions. Delusions. I couldn't give in.

"Please look at me, Bella," the voice pleaded again. I shook my head.

There was a weight on the couch next to me, leaning over me. I could feel eyes boring into me. This was not on par with my previous hallucinations. This was much more tangible.

For an instant I wondered why I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy this moment of total insanity before being thrown carelessly back into my situation of being raped. If this was the last wonderful moment I would have in my life, shouldn't I enjoy it for what it was worth?

Slowly, I removed my hands from my face. My wrist throbbed. I wondered why my wrist should still hurt in this illusion. It seemed unfair.

Cautiously, I opened my eyes, fully expecting to see those four men leering at me.

Instead, I was met with warm, golden eyes.

I had cracked. I was totally insane. Even my clearest memories of him hadn't been this impressive. I wondered if I could touch him too, in this illusion. I reached my good hand out and stroked his face.

"Incredible," I whispered to myself. He felt real. But I knew better. He would never come back.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," said my hallucination. His golden pools were filled with pain. That's not right, that's unfair. Why would he be pained in my last moment of happiness before darkness overtook me? Why couldn't we just be happy?

"Shh," I said. "Don't ruin this." He looked at me, confused for a moment. His gaze left my eyes for a brief moment, and he took my sprained wrist in his hands, cooling it down. It felt like heaven.

"Bella, why did you go there?" he asked me. His tone was still pained. I was angry with him for not doing what I wanted him to do. This was _my_ illusion. Things should be as _I_ wanted them. I fought the urge to lash out at him for desecrating my last moments like this, but chose instead to ignore him and continue to take in his unimaginably life-like features.

"Were you trying to get yourself killed, Bella?" he asked. This surprised me. Never had I even once considered dying. Why would my mind conjure up such a ridiculous question? I shook my head, opting to answer him this time.

"Of course not. You know that." He shook his head, as though he was trying to understand.

"Then why?" I shrugged nonchalantly. I didn't feel compelled to explain my illusions to another one of my illusions.

"Don't shrug me off, Bella!" he snapped. I jumped at the tone he used. My illusion shouldn't be so angry with me.

"Look, I'm going to die here, can't you just make my last few moments enjoyable?" I snapped back. I was very irritated by him in this moment. Couldn't he at least try? He looked at me with confusion, which only irritated me more. It's as though he genuinely thought I was going to survive this attack.

"You're last few moments?" he questioned. "I don't understand. You're safe now, Bella." I scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, a hint of venom lacing my tone. "As soon as those men decide what to do with me, I'll be dead. And you will never even know, will you?" I asked. "Or maybe you just won't care." He looked pained. How silly, even my illusion of Edward should know that he doesn't care about me. Everyone knows that.

"Bella," his tone carried such a depth of pain that it almost made me doubt my own insanity. He shook his head harshly and leaned down to me, his face just inches from my own. "I care about you more than I could ever express." I rolled my eyes. "I love you so much." He seemed so sincere. I was almost hard to doubt him.

"Well, I suppose if this is the end, this is a nice way to go," I said, more to myself then to him. He jumped away from me, standing before the couch. I assumed that this was it, this would be the end of my illusion. I steeled myself for the return of the men.

"Damnit, Bella! You're not going to die!" Edward cried, shocking me. He'd never yelled at me like that before. I didn't think my mind was capable of conjuring something like that up. I sat up from the couch, still favouring my wrist.

"Then why are you here?" I asked. I stood before him and attempted to mimick his determined stance. "If I'm not going to die, there's no reason for this illusion. There's no reason for me to see you when I know there's no way in hell you could ever be here!" I cried. I was angry with him. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he making me doubt myself when I knew he couldn't actually be here caring about me.

His stance relaxed visibly.

"Illusion?" he questioned. I rolled my eyes, angrier now.

"Of course you're an illusion. You left, Edward. You said you'd never come back! You said you didn't want me!"

"I lied," he said simply. I shook my head angrily. He was lying now. My own mind was lying to me.

"No, you didn't. You couldn't. You can't love me, it doesn't make sense. You can't want me, I'm nothing to you." I was trying desperately to understand what was happening, but my thoughts were becoming more and more muddled as I began to doubt my own conviction that he wasn't real. He shook his head.

"How can I make you believe me, Bella? I don't know what I can say to you," he sounded desperate. I almost wished I could be back in that room with those men. At least their actions didn't confuse me.

Suddenly I was in his arms, and his mouth was crushing against mine in the most intense kiss we'd ever shared. His lips were cold, hard, unacquiescing. They were warm, soft, needing. I needed more.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, locking him in my grasp, ignoring the shooting pain in my wrist from the action. I pulled him tightly to me and delved deeper into the kiss, desperate to never let it end. He pulled me against him and laid me down on the couch, hovering above me, trying not to crush me beneath his stony body. I fought the distance and pulled him hard down onto me, feeling his body flush against mine.

This felt real.

Too real.

I knew, it had to be.

I felt his lips leave mine, and as I began to protest, they found purchase on my neck, kissing deeply, licking, tasting. I wanted him desperately.

"Bella," he moaned against me.

"What?" I asked. He pulled his mouth from my neck and looked deeply into my eyes.

"Tell me you believe me," he begged. I could see the desperation in his eyes. I could see the love in his eyes. I nodded.

"I believe you." I knew it was the truth as the words left my mouth. This wasn't an illusion. The men weren't coming back. I didn't understand exactly what had happened, but in that moment, none of it mattered.

As long as Edward was with me, I knew none of it would ever matter again.

His lips reattached to my own and I got lost in the kiss.

This was real.

**A/N**: Of course Edward would never let Bella get hurt like that, you shouldn't doubt me! Just an epilogue left. Let me know what you thought.


	3. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and New Moon are the courtesey of Stephanie Meyer- I just steal her stuff and use it for my own twisted enjoyment.

**Illusions**

**Epilogue**

I laid back against Edward on the couch in the middle of the Cullen's living room. I looked around and was surprised to find everything exactly the same as it had been months ago. I briefly thought of my birthday when everything had gone so terribly wrong, but shoved the memory to the furthest corner of my mind immediately. Nothing would ruin this moment.

The question had been burning at the tip of my tongue ever since I'd realized that Edward was real. He wasn't an illusion. He was really here, he had really rescued me.

The question had been left unasked, as I had gotten lost in his kisses, and in the intensity of that moment between us.

To further solidify my confirmation that this was not a fantasy, Edward had made no moves to push our passionate moment past just kissing. He hadn't tried to unbutton my pants, he hadn't tried to feel any part of my body that was normally considered 'private'. He had been totally respectful of me.

Normally that would have bothered me with Edward. Tonight, though, I was thankful. He hadn't touched me in any of the ways those men who violated me had. He had been careful, sweet, sensitive. He had let me lead, and eased back when it became too much.

This was Edward. A gentleman always.

So now that our kisses had passed, and he had reassured me that he was here to stay, I was just enjoying the togetherness in the silence of the empty house. But the question remained, and it had to be asked. I couldn't hold it back any longer.

"Why did you come, Edward?" I asked. My voice cut through the silence like a knife. He breathed a deep, unnecessary breath and held me a little tighter.

"I couldn't let them hurt you," he said softly. I shook my head.

"That's not what I mean. I mean how did you know to come?" Maybe in some other time or place the answer would be obvious to me, but for now, it eluded me.

"Alice saw it, and she tracked me down," he told me. I bit my lip, embarrassed. Did he know about everything I'd done in the past several weeks?

"I didn't think she was still watching." He sighed.

"She's not supposed to be. I told her to leave you alone." I let out a breath, realizing that Alice had gone against Edward's wishes. He didn't want to know what I was doing. "I'm so thankful that she was watching," he whispered in my ear. I felt the pain in my heart ease slightly.

"Thank you for coming." My voice was barely audible. It felt like a sin to break the calm silence in this room. He shifted our positions so we were facing eachother and looked deeply into my eyes.

"I could never let them hurt you, Bella. I'm just sorry they got to you before I could stop them." He hugged me tightly to his chest. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," I said softly. He pulled back a little and looked at me questioningly. "For being so stupid. I should never have gone there in the first place." He looked pained.

"Then why did you?" he asked the question I had hoped never to have to answer. I breathed deeply and bit my lip. I was going to sound so crazy... probably because I was crazy. I steeled myself to tell him the truth. He listened as I explained to him the illusions and my depression. I watched a myriad of emotions pass across his face as he listened intently, never interrupting my story.

When I finally finished, he looked at me with mild amusement.

"Hallucinations, huh?" he asked. I grinned self-consciously and lowered my head a bit into his chest to avoid his gaze.

"Yea, it's pretty pathetic, huh?" I asked self-depreciatingly. He chuckled lightly.

"Well, considering I've spent the majority of the past several months curled up into a ball, pathetic is relative." I looked up at him, surprised by his confession. "I was empty without you, Bella," he said softly. "Without you, I have nothing." I wanted to argue with him, but thought better of it. After all, I felt exactly the same way about him. I told him so.

After a few more moments of silence he looked at me with conviction.

"I'll make you a promise if you make me one." I raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. "I promise you that I will never leave your side, Bella. I promise you that. But in return, I need you to promise that you will never put yourself in harms way like that again. Not for any reason."

His urgency surprised me, and I could do nothing more than nod in agreement. He would never leave. I would never have another reason to be so careless again.

With that we allowed the silence to consume us, and I sunk down into his chest, closing my eyes, and allowing sleep to overtake me. For the first time in months, the sleep was dreamless, and that was exactly how I wanted it to be.

**End.**

**A/N:** All done. No harm done, Bella's safe, Edward's back, the world continues to turn. Let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading :)


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